Where did my me time go?

mom-me-time

 

I’m a super affectionate mom my hand always finds its way to my boys hair, hands, plump cheeks and shower them with kisses. My oldest boy now 16 months is still nursing together with my 2 month old newborn. I guess I fall in the category attachment parent, fell in the love with the “idea” of it little did I know it takes a lot of work.

With tandem feeding at night for them to fall asleep, yes we sleep in the bed all 3 of us, my dear partner sleeps in a separate bedroom even though I miss him it works out for the best as he can work when ever he likes and gets a full night rest without being awakened because of the kids. I’ve worn my oldest one for the first few months on my body and doing the same with my newborn. For them hearing my heartbeat there body against mine I truly find that that’s the right way for me.

Some women are okay with hearing their child cry or moan in discomfort me I can’t stand it. Not in a negative way but I’m wired differently. A panic button goes of in my body and the reaction is to pick up my child almost immediately. There is crying and there is crying. See if the oldest one cries because he is overly tired I let him out his emotions and comfort him that it’s okay and he will fall asleep. If he cries due to anything else then I comfort immediately, to me it’s okay if they cry as long as they are in my loving arms being comforted. There is no mocking not saying cry baby none of that. Since they are both not talking yet crying and moaning and other sounds are the ways of communication and I embrace that.

It takes a lot of work caring for the both of them I feel I can’t get anything done and that everything goes into phases. Everything has to fit into the routing because oh boy if their routine goes off track it will take me ages to get them to sleep at night or the oldest one will just be in a crappy mood while he’s the happiest kid I know. Sometimes I find myself being so tired that I wonder where will I get the energy from for the next day.

I’m now sitting in my bed with both kids asleep and for the first time in 4 months I actually have some me
time so I’m writing this blog,  while just last night I asked myself where did my me time go? I know I signed up for this attachment parenting and being the house mom as in taking full time care of my kids but I miss my me time. Taking a bath BY MYSELF, reading a book BY MYSELF, going to the toilet BY MYSELF, watch a movie WITHOUT INTERRUPTION, get my hair done BY MYSELF and have SEX, sex without my kid being in the room asking for milky from my breast while me and daddy are making love.

I love my boys more than anything in the world and I hope that in the next 2 years I’ll have my me time back for 70%

Wishful thinking or could this actually be happening?

 

 


At least you have a healthy baby…? Part 2

The midwives and people surrounding me tried to comfort me with the words; at least you have a healthy baby, yes this was true but it didn’t make me feel any better. As a matter a fact it made me feel worse. My beautiful baby whom I cared for with so much love and positive energy and being healthy was born at the cost of severe bodily trauma, a major abdominal surgery.

Not only did I and so many other women undergo this major abdominal surgery  willingly or unwillingly but no one informed me about the emotional scarring that comes with it. Never did I think that the “healing” of my emotional state would take longer but actually come later. At the time I was so caught up in the state of labor, the adrenaline of doctors and the meds given to me that I wasn’t a 100% aware of what really was going on, it all goes so fast.

So with my second pregnancy I told myself to be more laid back be less adamant in wanting this home birth in the birth pool, this time I was actually OK with birthing in the hospital “home rooms” just in case something didn’t go as “planned”. So that said and done I had my bag packed at 37 weeks and ready for that option. I did tell myself there would be a vaginal birth and not another c section as I’m perfectly healthy and so is my baby and I trust my body. Affirmation after affirmation, thought after thought as the weeks to my due date came nearer. Labor started and again I went from 0-10 in seconds when it comes to the intensity of the contractions. We waited a little bit to call the midwife out as we didn’t want to be to early admitted into the hospital since we agreed to labor the first stage at home. The midwife came when I had my contractions every 3-4 minutes apart, she found me at 2cm dilation and suggested to go in to hospital as she felt I’d have my baby soon.

Once arrived in the hospital in the middle of the night  for some reason the contractions died down until there was no contraction left, at the end of the following afternoon we decided to go back home as we all agreed labor would most likely pick back up as I’d be most comfortable at home. Back home in the night the contractions came back again (day 2) I managed to breath through them regardless of the pain. A few things I was paying attention to was a constant pain around my scar, after a few hours of contractions that night I noticed that constant pain. As I live a good amount of time away from the hospital I decided to check myself in that morning leaving my dear hubby and son at home. When I arrived I was constantly monitored with the opportunity to walk and move around, minutes felt like hours and contractions seemed to die down again. The monitor showed signs of my son his heartbeat dropping with every contraction but picking back up right after, this would be normal in active labor but since I still didn’t go into active labor and no more than 4cm dilated this was a concern to the doctors and certainly something to keep your eye on.

I called my loved ones to come in as things could change rapidly from this moment on and there was no way I’d birth my son without his dad and brother there. Hours went by and we discussed options, what to do next as this has been going on for 3 days now and the baby can only handle so much before he gets tired on top of that my waters ruptured a little bit. That made us decide to artificially fully break my waters to see if my contractions would pick up and dilate more. This didn’t happen. The next step was of course pitocin and an epidural, reluctantly I agreed with my focus still on my vaginal birth.

The monitor didn’t look great my son his heartbeat still dropping and picking up but now much slower than before raising a big concern with my ob gyn. At a certain point I agreed for them to check my cervix and there it was 7cm I was very happy with this news and in my head I screamed YES it will be a vaginal. Only to be disappointed straight away as my ob gyn said we have to go into the operating room right now. 5 minutes later I was prepped and another 5 minutes later my son was born. I cried and cried during the whole procedure. Again I felt I failed, what was wrong with me? Going over and over what could I have done differently, did any thoughts of doubt I had for a split second cause this outcome?

Laying there under that blue sheet, tears running down my cheeks, uncontrollably shaking of my whole body but at least I had a healthy baby.

 

Next: The emotional scars


My unwanted cesarean. Learn to love part 1

It’s been 14 months since I had my first c-section and 5 weeks since my 2nd one, yet now more than before I feel rather funny about it. Everyday I struggle with how to emotionally and physically come to terms with my cesarean.

Almost 2 years ago I was prepared well for a natural hypno birthing home water birth, my birth plan was typed out and everyone was aware and it felt great. I was over the moon with such an easy high energetic pregnancy without any complaints a healthy baby and a great midwife. My due date came and my labor started in the evening on the 21st of November. During my pregnancy I did a lot of research on natural birth, pain relief methods and read articles that Dr. Michel Odent had written. Nature, my birth was going to be aligned with nature, allowing my body to take it’s time, talking to my precious baby and not stressing. My contractions came and my pain was so intense (have a high pain threshold) but oh my gosh this was unbearable and it had just started. Every contraction the pain went from 0 to 10 in seconds. With no pain medication just breathing I managed to keep them under control. Hours past by, contractions come and go and before I know it we are in the evening of the 22nd. The midwife asked me if it was okay with me to check my cervix as I have been laboring for quite some time but she hasn’t noticed any difference nor did my water break, reluctantly I agreed.

Not much progress almost 4cm dilated, in my head I told myself that’s fine it’s going great, this stage takes the longest and my body knows what she is doing. The baby his heartbeat was good and I kept on going. As I had been standing leaning on the kitchen counter top most of the time my legs started to become shaky and I was cold so I went into the  birth pool and lay down on the sofa to get some rest and let my body relax with the intention that once my body’s energy levels had restored a bit progress will go quicker.

23rd of November, nothing changed other than I had become exhausted and dehydrated (we didn’t know this at the time) me and my partner wanted to proceed laboring at home although the midwives thought differently the baby can only endure so much and will also get tired.  At a certain point a director of midwives had come to our house and called an ambulance and “ordered” us to go in. So we did 😦

All that I wanted to avoid happened, pitocin, epidural, blood ph test on the baby and within 5 minutes of that I was cut open on the 24th of November with a sheet in front of me with my body uncontrollably shaking my first child was born. Born not in the warm hand of his loving father but born in gloved hands of a doctor in a sterile bright light operating room. Immediately taken away from me rubbed off and checked before handed over to his father and shown to me. Minutes felt like hours and I cried both of happiness because my baby was healthy and of sadness because I felt I failed. Failed as a woman not being able to bear her own child. Not being able to have that instant contact while he came fresh from my womb and not being able to give my baby the best he deserved.

The midwives tried to comfort me with the words; at least you have a healthy baby, yes this was true but it didn’t make me feel any better. As a matter a fact it made me feel worse. My beautiful baby whom I cared for with so much love and positive energy and being healthy was born at the cost of severe bodily trauma, a major abdominal surgery.

Being aware of the possible side affects of the medicines I had been given had me worried. Due to his stressful delivery I consented with giving him oral vitamin K which I now regret as the vitamin K shot has 20.000 times the levels a newborn “needs”. See http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/03/27/high-risks-to-your-baby-from-vitamin-k-shot-they-dont-warn-you-about.aspx

Thank God that my beautiful baby was able to latch on perfectly about 90 minutes after he was born he sucked and sucked and from that moment on share sleeping was born.

Next: At least you have a healthy baby

See you soon 🙂
Pure love has no conditions or boundaries. Love does not restrain itself or hold back. Love gives all the time and doesn’t ask for anything in return. Love is a continuous flow without any limits. And all of this is inside you.”


If intelligence is the ability to learn, then babies are born geniuses!

infant read

Since reading is one of the most important skills a child will ever learn, why not start as early as possible? So here I am once again on another journey this time determined to teach my 5 month old how to read. While I’ll be teaching him how to read and daddy most likely will teach the math section (mommy doesn’t quite cover that all too well!) I’ll be also teaching my unborn child still in the womb a few months from now. I’ll blog about that step by step when the time is there.

When it comes to this topic there’s a lot of information out there, I’ll post something new as soon as I have started our first session of flashcards with tips etc. The infant flashcards we’ve been practising on you tube were a great success and I truly belief this enhanced his sight and hearing.

Long term Memory

Upon until your child is about three and a half years of age their perception of the world comes mostly through their dominant “right side of the brain” (long-term memory). This is the first part of the brain to develop, the left side of the brain fully develops after year three and a half. With consistent practice and repetition, you can teach your baby to effortlessly recognize words and perform instant math calculations before kindergarten age.

The right side of the brain is responsible for visual and spatial processing and the ability to “see” problems in multiple dimensions. Without the left brain (short-term memory) filtering all the information coming in our child’s right brain would go on overload within no time.

Stimulating your child can improve his/her attention span, curiosity and memory. Stimulating the senses will enable your beautiful child reach development milestones faster. Babies are born with a few reflexes one of those is the walking reflex, so knowing that this reflex disappears after 3 months when not triggered we decided to continuously stimulate his walking reflex with as result very strong legs, he always wants to stand up for long periods of time and step from very early on. Repetition and fun is the way to go with anything new you learn your child or your child teaches themselves.

“Use it or Lose it”

Nothing is more disastrous your  child’s brain development than a lack of stimulation. Likewise, an excessive amount of appropriate stimulation will produce better-than-average neural circuitry. If your child becomes overstimulated he/she will let you know. At nap time he/she might have an extra long nap 🙂

When does it start?

From the moment of conception the neurons (nerve cells) of the brain multiply faster than any other cells in your baby’s body. The rapid pace of your baby’s brain development continues into early childhood: at birth, the brain weighs 25 percent of its adult weight; by age one, 50 percent; by age two, 75 percent; and by age three, 90 percent.

The younger the brain, the more malleable it is – that’s why young children are like sponges. Use this to your advantage. Your baby’s brain builds itself by forming connections in response to the stimulation it receives. The fetus begins responding to sound during month five in the womb, when her sense of hearing becomes fully developed, you can start with early learning when your child is still in the womb. (more about that the next post)

I already started reading to my little boy but he wasn’t that much interested to be fair, the touchy feely books do a little something but now what I  have in mind for him. So mommy went online and did some research here’s what I found: “Inconsistent and explicit text pointing [when reading to a child] disturbs the attention of a child, it interrupts the cadence of the language, and it ends up making reading more confusing for a child – and a lot less fun…”

Ah, see now this makes a lot of sense so what can I do to change this? The answer again very simple: ” In order to understand language through your ear, there are three requirements: it has to be loud, clear and repeated… Make the words large, clear and repeated – and children learn very easily”. (Study suggests that the sooner a child is exposed to the written word, the better. It also recommends that you teach your child phonics as soon as he/she is able to deliberately vocalize letter sounds. By doing so, you can ensure that your child is a practised phonetic reader long before she enters first grade. Children who rely on whole-word reading alone tend to experience problems with the technique from around third grade. There is no reason why any child of this age should be without knowledge of phonics).

First things first downloading flashcards or making them myself see here a link: http://www.brillbaby.com/free-download/flash-card-printouts.php your baby needs phonics as well as  whole words stimulation.

What’s the best method of using the Flash Method?

Show  flashcards to your baby no longer then 1 second each. Pictures/words/numbers on the flashcards should be large and clear. Show each set of flashcards 3 times per day for about 10 days. Follow your child’s lead in the number of times you show each set, stop showing any category where your child stops showing interest in. You can show the card, read out the word, make a sound that comes with the word and or show a live footage of e.g. an elephant making that noise to combine all together.

It’s really all about Love and Repetition  🙂

Success


Pregnant, can I still nurse my 5 month old?

The title of my blog: Pregnant, can I still nurse my 5 month old?,  is the search term I’ve been using the past week in Google search. My son Mr. Man as you know is 5 months old and I’m pregnant again. Conceived our 2 nd miracle a good month ago 🙂 according to the on-line calculators. The age gap between them will be somewhere around 13 months. I won’t be out of the diapers any time soon.

What the heck, pregnant ?!?

In shock! Before Mr. Man I was told the changes of me being able to conceive naturally were very slim.

Birth control is something I’m not a big fan off mostly due to lack of long-term research on the effects of birth control on women so I stopped using the pill over a decade ago. Any type of pill a light one, one with just 1 hormone none of that mattered to me, no synthetic hormones were going to enter my body at all, an IUD was not an option either as the risks outweigh the pro’s for me. I came across the Lactational Amenorrhea Method, a  family planning method that is based on utilization of lactational infertility for protection from pregnancy providing safe and effective temporary child spacing. It may be used for up to six months postpartum during full or nearly full breastfeeding and amenorrhea, and has been shown in clinical trial to be 99 percent effective. 

I combined the LAM method with pulling out before ejaculation especially knowing the week of my ovulation making sure. Thought we had all bases covered 😉

I’ve been breastfeeding Mr. Man around the clock on demand, the universe most have had something else in mind as I received my period twice, jokingly I told Mr. Man; ask your brother or sister when he/she wants to come. My third period however never showed and now I have his brother or sister growing in my tummy.  With both my children I want to go all natural, breastfeed continuously even at a later age when breastfeeding is not feasible I’d still want to give them their birthright, which in my eyes is: giving them their own breast milk. Solution nursing, pumping and freezing.

My search went on from information on breastfeeding and everything around that to breastfeeding while pregnant.

breast and pregnant

Back into time:

Still paralysed from the waist down due to my emergency c-section nothing could hold me back from breastfeeding Mr. Man. The joy and love I felt no words can describe. Whenever he latches on I immediately go into a state of deep relaxation as I watch his eyes roll back in his sockets, doze off into a state of sleep and continues suckling even when my breast is “empty”. The little dribble of milk down his chin when he smiles while nursing is something amazing.

Back to the future:

So the question I ask myself is: how do I continue nursing Mr. Man, stay hydrated and nutritious enough to make sure all three of us have energy to grow and develop?

Lots and lots of water, drink my herbal teas and have Mr. Man continue to feed as previous with now adding some fruit twice a day. Mr. Hubby is a great cook so he’s providing us with nutritious food every single evening, mostly fish as we’re not really meat eaters and the veggies these days go more uncooked each day.

Why introducing solids now, while before this was something I initially didn’t want to introduce until Mr. Man is about 1 year of age. The answer is pretty simple: breastfeeding while pregnant can turn out to be very painful or your milk supply can decrease significantly around the 4th or 5th month.

According to La Leche:

Breastfeeding during pregnancy is perfectly safe. As long as you eat reasonably well, then your unborn baby will not be deprived of nutrients. Even if you suffer from morning sickness and find eating very difficult, your body will naturally go into overdrive to efficiently use all the nutrients it has access to in order to prevent you and the baby from being deficient. Once you are feeling better, then you can make up by eating plenty of nutritious food — and lots of it!

It is important to eat well. Depending on how old your nursing child is, you may need an additional 650 calories a day if he is under six months, or about 500 if he is now eating other foods. This is on top of the additional 350 (second trimester) and 450 (third trimester) calories you need during pregnancy.

 If your baby is less than six months of age and completely dependent on breast milk for sustenance when you conceive, your ability to nourish him during the next pregnancy may be of primary concern. Careful observation of his health and continued growth and weight gain is in order. Supplemental feedings of some sort may be needed. Older babies and toddlers who already eat a variety of other foods will demonstrate an increased appetite for these foods as your milk supply decreases.

Conclusion: continue to breastfeed throughout the pregnancy where the milk let’s me, continue to tandem nurse (will be a new topic) when our newborn arrives. Introduce more solids over the next few months so Mr. Man will easily adjust if “his” milk starts to taste funny or will not be enough to fill him up.

To all the mommies, it’s perfectly safe to breastfeed your child while being pregnant of your other growing miracle.

I trust that my body knows exactly what it’s doing there will be enough of everything for the three of us. We are wonderful mothers.

Much love,

Resources:

http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbjanfeb08p32.html

http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbjulaug00p116.html


Introducing part time bottle feeding to a full time breastfed baby

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Yesterday and today I’ve been completely occupied with baby bottles, teats, look a like nipples you name it.

My gosh, there are so many different products, within those products different ranges and on top of that a million different reviews and it’s so hard to find out which one really works.

I have the funny feeling that it will take me another couple of days to figure out what the best part time breast replacement will be for Mr. Man while I’m off at work and he needs to be fed without causing nipple confusion. As most of you know I’m exclusively breastfeeding and as much as I’d love to be home every single day of the week to care for him duty calls. Back to work next month in the meantime I slowly want to introduce him to his surrogate nipple so that he won’t be in “shock” when all of a sudden “his nipple” disappears twice a day all of the other feeds I’ll nurse him. To me there is no greater feeling then having him nurse on my breast. Instantly I feel relaxed, even more in love than I already am and for Mr. Man he just loves it, instant comfort as his eyes roll back and he dozes off on occasion even when he’s done nursing he’ll continue to suckle the perfect couple.

There’s a wide range of bottles and nipples so which one should I go for? I’m completely and utterly clueless. I have the MAM range bpa free anti colic bottles (never tried them yet) ideally I’d like to go for a glass bottle with a teat that functions just like my nipple.

I came across a great bottle called Bare with a nipple that moves in and out just like when a baby feeds on your breast, but it didn’t get enough funding so unfortunately this is not yet on the market (http://www.bittylab.com/)

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On to the next one so I found:Image

As mentioned before ideally I’d like a glass bottle however they are quite heavy and I don’t want Mr  Man to end up with a bruised forehead so reading about Mimijumi makes me seriously consider this item for the following reasons: Mimijumi Bottles are produced in Austria. All the bottles are BPA and latex free, EA free, and anti-colic – factors which will influence the decision of which baby bottle to give Mr. Man.

Medela Calma and Breastflow are very appealing also:

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Breastflow

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As for now first things first. Express lots of “liquid gold” and store it I’d like to build up a collection of breast milk for Mr. Man as the benefits outweigh introducing any other type of “milk”. Slowly introduce him to a bottle starting of with my MAM set I’ll write an update about how that’s working out if it doesn’t then ah well move on to another type of bottle.

The breast still remains my priority no matter how good of a breast pump you have the suction of your baby and the release of the hormones involved cannot be mimicked therefore breastfeed when you can and pump the rest if you’re a breastfeeding mommy.

Lots of love,

Resources:

http://mimijumi.co.uk/

Mimijumi is Award Winning
– 2012 Mom’s Best Hot Product Award #1 Baby Bottle
– BCPN Readers Choice #1 Baby Bottle
– Creative Child Top Choice of the Year Baby Bottle 2012
– 2011 Baby and Children’s Product News, 2011 Reader’s Favorites Award Winner, Baby Bottle Category
– 2010 I.D. Magazine Annual Design Review Winner – Equipment Category
– 2009 Spark Design Awards, Gold Award

(http://www.sbwire.com/press-releases/mimijumi-offers-new-baby-bottle-to-ease-breastfeeding-issues-193343.htm)


The love for your children

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. -Rajneesh

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